I will never see that moment again.
Yeah, I'm thinking of a specific moment, but what occurred in that moment doesn't matter really, does it? No, because what happened in that moment is true of every moment.
It'll never come back.
I'll never see that sunset at that mountain overlook.
I'll never see that kayak in the sand.
I'll never see my granddad's smile after finishing the project.
I'll never see her face in that exact same light.
I'll never feel that massive crowd singing that pleading chorus.
I'll never see any of those moments exactly as they were ever again.
I must understand that I am daily dying.
I saw a old picture of a man in a uniform the other day. There was no documentation on him other than that he fought for the Confederate army. No name. No story. Just a face and a gun.
I could see in that face that his life felt no less real and vital and progressive than mine does to me. His feelings and aspirations were important to him just like mine are to me and yours are to you. He was very alive. He is now very dead.
I think and write about this a lot. Maybe it's a phase. You know the "I was young, ambitious, and dumb" routine. And where I have no doubt that any of those characteristics are accurate in stating who I am, I also know that the once-in-a-lifetime moments happen, well, every moment.
Two hundred years from now someone will pick up (or view in some format) the picture of me on Stone Mountain that was taken eight days ago and say, "Wow, that guy has been dead a long time. And those pants are ridiculous."
And guess what...I will go on climbing mountains, playing music, loving people, hurting people, pursuing selfishness, refining my desires, praying for freedom, wallowing in regret, wasting time...just like every other day for the rest of my life. Life doesn't transform at some magic moment.
"Real life" has already started. I will never have as much time to become who I need to become as I do now.
I have been living my life since August 5th, 1988. That is my birthday, so obviously that is when life began for me.
However, what I mean is that so often I view everything in life as getting ready to happen.
"Some day when I get out of this place...some day when I meet that person...some day after I graduate...some day when I make that much money...some day when I get married...some day when I have kids...some day when I retire."
Today is some day.
Life just is.
So I must just do.
There are things I want to see, moments I want to feel.