Ways to make the fair worth every penny (and nowadays we're talking a lot of pennies):
-Blast Ray Charles' "America The Beautiful" as you sit in traffic. It makes you, and the people around you, enjoy the 45 minutes of chaos upon entering the parking lot just a little bit more.
-Thank God for the miraculous parking space that has been left for you.
-Watch people. It's hilarious. Humans are insane. All of us.
-Only show your tickets if they ask. For five bucks a ride you are going to need every ticket you can keep.
-Embrace the funnel cake wholeheartedly. It tastes better when shared.
-Pay the dollar to see the tiny chicks and pigs. If you are not at the fair with a date, skip this. A bunch of dudes in a petting zoo is weird.
-Locate the camera before riding the Crazy Mouse. Time facial expressions accordingly.
-Ride the big swings. The small ones are just ok and cost the same.
-If you like pork and want to continue liking pork, don't go see the prize pigs.
-Remember, cotton candy costs 19 cents to make. Choose your purchases wisely. I'd hold out for the fried Oreos.
-There's something about the smell of the place that keeps you American. You need to go every few years. Yes, the rides are the same as the ones they've been dragging around since '85, but that's the magic of it all.
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